you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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