what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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