Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
operation harelip BJ is a go
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
