I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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