He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
