She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
