I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
