Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
