It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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