I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
