I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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