Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
