i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
