Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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