I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
