Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
