Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
