her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
