A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
