I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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