so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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