I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
