a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
