it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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