I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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