I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dignity is for republicans.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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