so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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