wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Slut skills are useful in every country.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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