i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
