Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
