Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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