i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
