just come out here and I will go home with you...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
