were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
