she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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