she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
