Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
