How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize