I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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