I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
