Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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