Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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