I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
