That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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