A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
