did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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