I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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