But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
