After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So much Jack, so little girl.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
