my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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