End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
