I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
