Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
