Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
porn star boner night. come get it.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
