Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
