we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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