I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
