I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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