Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm passing your future prison.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I AM VODKA MAN
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize