I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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