So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
