I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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