I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
